Friday, 26 February 2010

This one's for Sid

I was opin to do a blog this week about my oliday at the farm but we is avin some issues wiv de pictures and so I phink I do that one nex week.

This week I am doin a blog specially for my friend Sid, who is a catahoula who lives in Chicago in the USA. Despite his name, Sid is a dog and not a hoola hoopin cat. We talks quite often and we is alway comparin notes on where we lives. I live in a small villij in England and Sid lives a in a great big city on the ovver side of a great big sea. The other week I showed Sid some pictures of Headley Heath where I do like to go walkin. He was very excitd to see it and so today I toook dad an Lola up there for a walk and we ave done some videos and some piktures of it.

We always starts our walk on the top path. Ere it is, wiv me on it..

Then we go to the "post" office to do our pee-mail...

Juss after this, there is a rilly steep path and you ave to use your brakes a bit. Lola will demonstrate for you....

When we get to the fork in the road, we waits for Dad an e telled us which way to go...

From the top of the hill, you can see the ovver side and kno which way to go....but also how far it is for our little legs...

Then we does walk down a bit an up a bit and we gets to a flat bit. In summer there is green stuff but in winter it do be a bit brown...but we can see where we are goin..

But, ow to get down? Well, ere it is...

We ave to eventually go up the hill, but the sun was out and Lola did stop and wait for me

At the top of the hill, is very confusin and we needs a map..

And the walk goes on an a dog's work is never done...

...but every now and agin we get a nice treat...

...and we can stop and ave a drink in the troughs wot they leave out for the cows what live on the heath...

This is what they look like....we didn't se im today but we ave met him on other days. He not as scary as e look...

...but we ave to be careful cos in places it do get muddy...

...and this week there was a pond wot was not ere before...

At the end, Dad keeps is eye on us cos is easy to lose in the undergrowf

...and every walk ends up back at the car park...

We had a really good walk and I ope that Sid enjoys seein bout life ere in the country. Wooofs for you Sid.

Marley in da country....x

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


I'd like to thank my parents, the director, my agent and my PR and....oh, hang on a sec, I am gettin ahead of myself a bit here.

We have been given an award by our great friend Lexie (who is @dogstoyevsky for those who do follow us on Twitter). It do be the Honest Scrap Award.

See how nice it is. Lexie does tell me that now I have the award I muss pass it on to ten other of my friends but not before I ave told you ten things you may not knows about me an Lola.

Here goes:

1. I am scared of the oven and when it is on I do go an hide at the bottom of the garden. This is because it do make a horrid noise and frightened me when I was a puppy.

2. I was the runt of the litter. I know, who would have thought it bein as how handsome I turned out to be. Lola was also the runt of her litter, but only cos she was a litter of one. She say she do be unique, I say her mum decided not to ave any more pups after seein her pop out.

3. Lola can plays the guitar.

4. My mummy wot I do live with is a chicken but now she ave made me take down her pikture so you ave to trust me on this one.

5. I can tell the time. 6am? Time for noms. 7pm? Time for noms. See how it works.

6. I do be the brains and Lola do be the brawn.

7. I am an effective guard dog. See, I guard Grandma's telly...

8. I am a Michelin-starred chef. See what time I do spend checkin out the finest ingredients for you..

9. I can count to 9, yessir.

10. I likes to pawty

Now that the secrets is out the bag, I must pass this award on to some of our friends. We gives it to:

1. Arthur (who is @monkeysbrother) becuase he really is the best anipal photographer that there is and always make me laugh with his stuff. You can see his blog ere

2. Nex is my baboon chum @kolo_martin. He does not have a blog but he is on twitter and is always full of fun and has HUGS HUGS HUGS for me

3. Then we have Karen Wild, who is a doggie trainer who is very very kind to me and is always happy to stop for a chat even though she is very very busy and a slebrity. She is @wildpaw on Twitter

4. We also give the award to Shawnee the German Shepherd Dog who live in America. She is always readin our blog and I do be readin hers cos it is rilly rilly funny and she ave the life we is very jealous off cos she is hikin every day.

5. I give the award to d'Artagnan Rumblepurr but really I knot know why cos he is a pest and I give him a GIANT THWOCK for his pains

6. Also I phink we give it to Shauna and Mickey and Kayloo cos we do phink they show us how to run a blog properly on Fido n Wino.

7. I give little award to my hooman friend Cyber Emma cos I kno she is lookin for a new job so I phink my recommendayshun will elp with that. Also, she is always happy to chat wiv a little dog. But....she work in IT but have no blog. What gives?

8. I phink I give a little joint award to @sirbarley and also @sadiepetunia cos they is awlays good for some Schnauzer action on twitter an I likes to talk to nice people who say kind things.

9. I think @sidthecatahoula also deserves a menshun cos I talks to him and I learn about geography cos Sid lives in Chicago and we swap stories about our omes. Chicago is very differunt from Ashtead. One day, I ope to go there for a pizza an a long oliday.

10. Finally, I say an award for Ruffles who lives in Singapore an is @scottieterror on twitter. Who could resist this?

Anyway, that do be that. Me an Lola is very honoured to ave this award from Lexie. She do the most bootiful border terrier I kno.

Academy Award Winner Marley (an Lola).... woof

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The Art of the Wuzz

I did see the other day on the telly that a man who call himself Sun Tzu do ave a book called The Art Of War. It do be ancient lessons from long ago bout fightin and things. Well, I dussn't likes to talk about fightin except for the odd rumble wiv Lola when she do be "askin for it". However, it did remind me about the ancient text written by one of my own ancestors. This do be "The Art of the Wuzz" by Mah Lee, who was a dog wot live in China a long time ago.

No copies still exist of dis book but the wisdom ave been past down fru generayshuns of border terriers and so I tell em to you cos I know you will use them wisely.

The wuzz is the gentle ticklin of the doggy parts which makes the dog twist his head round in ecstasy and go gooey in the middle and also squirm and wriggle and other such phings.

Here is lesson one: apply the gentle pressure behind the left ear and wiggles your fingers...

..when the dog ave almost turned his head fru 180 degrees, apply same tekneek to the other ear...

When "satisfaction" has been achieved, you can apply a wuzz to bofe ears at once. The ead stays still for this one but the paws do curl up and low rumblins of plezure may be heard....

I tell you now that the wuzzes in these piktures is bein applied by William, who is Wuzz Master of the 9th Degree. It do elp to have properly trained staff for administerin the wuzz, but your own staff, pawsons, hoomans etc can gets to be eggsperts in this wivout much effort.

Now that the ears have received due attenshum, the hands can be passed round the body and the chest is rubbed wiv both hands. You may see canine grinning...

The blurry hands in that diagram show that the correct speed is bein achieved. We also quite likes it when William do say "wuzzawuzzawuzzawuzza" as he duz it.

Ere we do it for Lola. See how she concentrate..

Optional wuzzes, include the "under the chin". The wuzzer ave to be careful ere cos the wuzzee can administer involuntary lickin of the hands as a result of trance like effect of the wuzz... also the "butt wuzz", which is good by the fire as Lola do demonstrate...

That really do be all there is to it, and I ope these words of law from the ancients will helps you achieve higher plane.

Marley and Mah Lee (geddit?...I'm wasted on you lot)