Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The Art of the Wuzz

I did see the other day on the telly that a man who call himself Sun Tzu do ave a book called The Art Of War. It do be ancient lessons from long ago bout fightin and things. Well, I dussn't likes to talk about fightin except for the odd rumble wiv Lola when she do be "askin for it". However, it did remind me about the ancient text written by one of my own ancestors. This do be "The Art of the Wuzz" by Mah Lee, who was a dog wot live in China a long time ago.

No copies still exist of dis book but the wisdom ave been past down fru generayshuns of border terriers and so I tell em to you cos I know you will use them wisely.

The wuzz is the gentle ticklin of the doggy parts which makes the dog twist his head round in ecstasy and go gooey in the middle and also squirm and wriggle and other such phings.

Here is lesson one: apply the gentle pressure behind the left ear and wiggles your fingers...

..when the dog ave almost turned his head fru 180 degrees, apply same tekneek to the other ear...

When "satisfaction" has been achieved, you can apply a wuzz to bofe ears at once. The ead stays still for this one but the paws do curl up and low rumblins of plezure may be heard....

I tell you now that the wuzzes in these piktures is bein applied by William, who is Wuzz Master of the 9th Degree. It do elp to have properly trained staff for administerin the wuzz, but your own staff, pawsons, hoomans etc can gets to be eggsperts in this wivout much effort.

Now that the ears have received due attenshum, the hands can be passed round the body and the chest is rubbed wiv both hands. You may see canine grinning...

The blurry hands in that diagram show that the correct speed is bein achieved. We also quite likes it when William do say "wuzzawuzzawuzzawuzza" as he duz it.

Ere we do it for Lola. See how she concentrate..

Optional wuzzes, include the "under the chin". The wuzzer ave to be careful ere cos the wuzzee can administer involuntary lickin of the hands as a result of trance like effect of the wuzz... also the "butt wuzz", which is good by the fire as Lola do demonstrate...

That really do be all there is to it, and I ope these words of law from the ancients will helps you achieve higher plane.

Marley and Mah Lee (geddit?...I'm wasted on you lot)


  1. You truly are da master of da wuzzes. I have ordered ma mum to read dis blog in order to ensure she maintains the highest possible standards. Fanx Marley. xxxxx

  2. I just has one kweshun - Can William come live wif us?

  3. My dad did do wuzz while mum read your destrucshuns. I did luvs it. Fanks Mah Lee.


  4. Hey do you ever lend William out? I'm just thinkin that maybe he could come to my house so, I could double check the quality of his trainin. BOL!

  5. DUSTY: Marley, we are happy that Scribe paid close attention to the instructions. HURLEY: She will practice this when we are snowed in this weekend with 2 feet of snow!

  6. This is very good information. I am going to make my mom read it and study it. I hope she is a quick learner.

  7. I wouldn't mind a border but with 2 scotties and 2 welsh terriers ...w ehave a cottage ful!

  8. Under the chin seems pretty popular :)

  9. Mister Mo sez: I have been making sure Mum and Dad have studied the Wuzz's - Mum is already very good at the chest one.. will try and post a picture on blog soon. xx


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